Par Ze FML
Depuis 3 mois, j’ai posé 27 candidatures, toutes ciblées, qui m’ont permis de recevoir 20 accusés de réception, et de décrocher 10 entretiens.
Déjà, il est inadmissible de ne pas avoir d’accusé de réception : chère entreprise, si je candidate chez toi, c’est que je m’intéresse à toi. La moindre des politesses, c’est de me répondre. Parce qu’on doit avoir le courage de mettre un râteau… Allez, un peu de courage. Quant au service RH, fais ton job, t’es payé pour. Ou recrute pour faire face à la masse. Nan mais !
Ensuite, vous me direz que j’affiche un beau rapport candidatures/entretiens, et que « c’est bien ». Peut être, mais pas suffisant. Ca ne paye pas le loyer, de choper des entretiens. Et au nombre que j’ai passé, ça ne m’entraîne plus : je sais me présenter en 2 ou en 20 minutes suivant le format choisi, en français et en anglais, et je suis souriante et dynamique. A chaque fois j’y crois. Quant aux taux affiché, ça n’est ni plus ni moins la preuve que je cible correctement mes candidatures.
Mais je joue au loto, et encore, même pas. Car dans ce jeu, les règles sont biaisées. Si je cherche un job, le recruteur ne me reçoit pas nécessairement pour évaluer l’adéquation entre l’offre et la demande. Les cabinets de recrutement, par exemple, ont parfois d’autres objectifs. D’une part, avoir reçu suffisamment de candidats pour le poste. Recevoir quelqu’un qui ne colle pas-mais-à-qui-on-peut-laisser-penser-que-si permet de prétendre avoir reçu plein de monde et choisi le meilleur. Foutaises ! Mais quand vous êtes bons, ça permet aussi d’étalonner. En d’autres termes, je sers souvent de faire-valoir.Mazel tov !
L’entretien du jour entrait dans cette catégorie. La consultante m’a reçu en 14 minutes chrono, pour me dire très rapidement que je ne convenais pas pour le poste, au motif que j’étais trop compétente. Si, si, je vous assure, c’est ce qu’elle m’a dit. Avant d’ajouter : « Vous, vous êtes pour les postes où il faut savoir tout faire, il vous faut de l’occupation ». Parce que tu cherches une assistante qui passe sa journée à réajuster son make-up ??? Elle a cru bon de préciser : « Vous n’êtes pas faites pour juste suivre des process ». Euh non, mais juste pour info, je sais AUSSI les suivre…
Mon principal problème dans ma recherche d’emploi ? J’ai un cerveau. Je n’ai pas compris que les recruteurs cherchaient le mouton à 12 pattes. C’est à dire un mouton. On me reproche d’être capable de plus que de suivre des process. On me reproche d’être polyvalente. De savoir anticiper. D’être force de proposition. Ni plus ni moins que l’alliance de mon intelligence et de mon expérience.
Mon job, c’est être collaboratrice. Ce peut être chargée de mission ou assistante de direction, mais je suis un bras droit. L’épaule du Boss. Celle qui est là pour exécuter l’intendance afin qu’il puisse se concentrer sur mon job. Celle qui lui facilite la vie. Et ce job, dans sa version wonderful, inclut l’anticipation. Il ne s’agit effectivement pas juste de suivre le guide des procédures, mais d’être capable de l’appliquer dans tous les contextes. Même en dehors de la fiche de poste. Ca s’appelle l’adaptabilité.
J’ai de forts atouts : je suis agréable, dynamique, compétente, bosseuse, et je dispose d’excellentes références pour confirmer tout cela. Beaucoup d’entres elles aimeraient d’ailleurs retravailler avec moi si leurs structures respectives disposaient d’opportunités. Ce qui n’est hélas pas le cas. Et certaines, parmi elles, suivent de près mes candidatures, et font tout pour m’aider.
Merci à ces soutiens, particulièrement H et R, qui me sont précieux. Mais eux ont bossé avec moi. Ils savent qu’ils peuvent me demander n’importe quoi, que ce sera toujours fait et bien souvent avant même qu’ils ne le demandent. Ils savent aussi ma loyauté, et sont mes meilleurs avocats pour expliquer qu’on peut toujours compter sur moi. Hélas, personne ne les appelle pour vérifier… Damnit.
Alors, c’est grave docteur ? Je vais vous faire une confidence : je ne suis pas désolé d’avoir un cerveau, et quelque habileté à m’en servir. Et très fière de ne pas être un mouton ! Si -et seulement si, comme on apprenait en cours de maths- vous connaissez quelqu’un qui recherche une collaboratrice dans mon style, je serai ravie de rencontrer cette perle de Boss-To-Be. Au futur proche, pas au conditionnel.
Je tends à suivre ce discours. je me demande également si parfois ces mêmes recruteurs prennent le temps de lire nos CV… si leur temps leur est compté le notre aussi.
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